This is a poem I wrote back in 2019
The God above is whom I seek
The one so pure, so kind, and meek
His presence I cannot describe
No human words would satisfy
The lord must know what I do not
I’ve known a world so bartered bought
By anguish and despair I say
A world to make my soul decay
The Lord so precious, good and true
I lay infectious
Broken bruised
Believing I could not be loved
By anyone, it’s just because
I couldn’t even love myself
My life misshaped my mental health
A mental anguish, a ptsd
A mind my family made for me
As a child my choice was not
To feel the terror my life brought
terror lasting years and years
Leaves you with a haunting fear
It’s just as though you hear the shatter
Broken dishes clatter, clatter
Hypersensitivity to every sound
Or threat I see
A change of tone in any voice
It stops me dead, but not by choice
This is how my mind will bend
React the way it used to end
They hollowed out the person
They scooped out what would be
Caused my pain to worsen
So I could not be me
Extent to be autonomous
Was based on something ominous
Control they had to satisfy
I bowed below and had to hide
My thoughts and feelings put aside
This is how you must survive
You learn to sit and to conceal
The pain they cause and make you feel
It’s just because I said so
Don’t be so smart and crass
A word is swung a deathly blow
They cut like broken glass
Invalid I still often feel
What happened to me, was it real
A scar not one
Appears on me
They all exist inside my tree
My tree a beauty hides the truths
Beneath the ground it’s in her roots
A damage that cannot be seen
Her roots and all her suffering
A man came to her
Kind indeed
He knew more than what others see
The man then took the steps to seal
Her roots so she could start to heal
Day by day
What once was dormant
Came up from her roots to torment
Her tree so hollow pain it swallowed
Insurance that No good would follow
The man came to her everyday
He never left her side he stayed
Her pain so great would make her blind
She couldn’t see him all the time
It’s all your fault
She’d go and say
What have you done?
My roots decay
You tried to help but made it worse
Just cut me down and end my curse
In love he cared for her some more
Regardless what was said before
He loved her and adored her soul
Though it was damaged black with coal
Day by day the pain became
A lesser anguish to contain
Even though her roots react
As though she’s fallen one step back
As she healed she grew and grew
A Beauty she became he knew
That one day she’d be there to help
Another damaged as herself
She asked him on a day
Why did you come my way?
A tree with roots beyond repair
A tree like me, my young despair
He smiled and answered patient, kind
You are here by my design
I planted you here from a seed
I made you, yes you come from me
But why would you create design
That made my roots a painful vine
The world it broke me with despair
Where were you, why weren’t you there?
I was there
You couldn’t see
I bare the scars my hands and feet
They nailed me there upon a cross
I took what payment it would cost
To save you from that bitter end
I love you now I’m here again
The fate they made
It’s their desire
To throw you in a burning fire
They planned to keep you there in turn
Forever they had planned to burn
A punishment for great and small
A gift I have to give to all
Salvation from that awful place
My gift is free
It’s love and grace
I love you more than you can know
One day you’ll see how deep it goes
I must be going to my throne
Just know that you are not alone
I pray for you to be a light
In darkness we give others sight
At times may seem you are alone
In me you’ll always have a home
And just like that he left my sight
But in my heart I know his light
Is shining bright inside of me
What once was just a damaged tree
The God above is whom I seek
The one so pure, so kind, and meek
His presence I cannot describe
No human words would satisfy