The pain I know is great, I think about my fate
I wish I didn’t feel this way, My soul is in it’s own decay
Disintegration started, With the child inside of me
neglect was there and charted, Although my scars aren’t seen
Neglect is parasitic, Latching onto youth
Some talk like a critic, It’s pain they never knew
I don’t understand, Your life is good and planned
Just focus on the good they say, for everything is well today
I’ve tried it all, Both big and small
To fight the dark I face, But now I’m weak
My trauma leaks, A poison in my space
I fought the negative, I’ve no more Left to give
Now I feel myself succumb, To my Neglect and damage done
They don’t see any sign, Of what’s inside my mind
The fight that’s going on inside, Won’t let me be although I’ve tried
The ones I loved the most, The ones that held me close
They held me with a painful vice, A clever and a cruel device
They saved me from a threat, But now I owe a debt
Collectors they turned out to be, I thought they really cared for me
The vice they tighten, Use to frighten
Me down to my bones, I hear a crack
It’s in my back, They silence all my groans
I sit and grieve, Please can I leave?
The pain it settles in, I try to smile
All the while, Shaming it begins
I’m much too young to know it’s fake, What they call love
A masquerade, Hero’s they would call themselves
A child believes the lies they tell
Where’s my evidence?, I’m pleading my defense
The charges tower over me, I feel so small just like a flea
Accusations repeat, like a record in my head
Yell at me to take a seat, You’re bad
That’s what they said
I turn and cry, I wonder why I’m treated here as such
Have I done something wrong, That makes them feel they need to clutch?
The more I ask for freedom, It’s like treason has been placed
How dare you think about the world, Don’t look or even taste
Demise is certain, If you leave
The vice of their embrace
They’ve done well to use a curtain
Hide the truth I chase
Dehumanize, They make you wise
Their image they create, Like playing God
They use the rod, Control you and your fate
your thoughts are not your own, your view is through their lens
But if your cover’s blown, They program you again
I’ve never felt so helpless, As I did back in those days
A child so defenseless, No I can’t even convey
This went on, For much too long
A Chronic mental beating, My brain is wired
I’ve grow tired, I just can’t stop the bleeding
The love I never felt, They’d claim the problem’s me
Ignore the beating of the belt, It’s all your fault you see
We gave you what you needed, The problems you they say
They minimize to agonize, and further my decay
The wounds inflicted to my soul, Are rotting like a carcass
Places I’m afraid to go, I’m still scared of the darkness
To face the canyons in my soul, So deep and dark they are
I’m slowly losing my control, To hide my mental scars
I cry out to the Lord for help, I’m crying in despair
Lord please save me from myself, Please just hear my prayer
My soul is crushed just like a rock, The heavy burden sits to mock
Me in my pain, I feel it drain
My heart and soul of all I’ve gained
I thought I had my footing, I started to feel good
But down I crash, It’s in a flash
I can’t find where I stood
I’m broken God, Are you still there
I cannot feel your peace, Is this your rod?
Oh could you spare, my heart, oh could you please
Or take me where you are, Please take me somewhere far
From what my family did to me, From every cut and where I bleed
This pain is more than I can bare, I’m hopeless here in my despair
With you is where I’d rather be, I long for you, you’re in my dreams
The sinful wage inside of me, I hate it Lord, please set me free
I want to follow you oh Lord, You paid the price I can’t afford
I know I’m there in your control, My life and where it leads
But God I suffer in my soul, My family and their deeds
I want to trust you where you are, The place where you are leading
But God, I’m broken, look my scars
I just can’t stop the bleeding
How long Lord must I feel this way, I’m helpless, and with tears I pray
To take this burden, Set me free, How long will this last for me?
Please find me lord, I long to stay, In Heaven in your light and way
For now I swim a darkened sea, I wait for my escape to Thee
The pain I know is great, I think about my fate
I wish I didn’t feel this way, My soul is in it’s own decay