The Damaged Tree

This is a poem I wrote back in 2019


The God above is whom I seek

The one so pure, so kind, and meek

His presence I cannot describe

No human words would satisfy


The lord must know what I do not

I’ve known a world so bartered bought

By anguish and despair I say

A world to make my soul decay


The Lord so precious, good and true

I lay infectious

Broken bruised

Believing I could not be loved

By anyone, it’s just because


I couldn’t even love myself

My life misshaped my mental health

A mental anguish, a ptsd

A mind my family made for me


As a child my choice was not

To feel the terror my life brought

terror lasting years and years

Leaves you with a haunting fear


It’s just as though you hear the shatter

Broken dishes clatter, clatter

Hypersensitivity to every sound

Or threat I see


A change of tone in any voice

It stops me dead, but not by choice

This is how my mind will bend

React the way it used to end


They hollowed out the person

They scooped out what would be

Caused my pain to worsen

So I could not be me


Extent to be autonomous

Was based on something ominous

Control they had to satisfy

I bowed below and had to hide


My thoughts and feelings put aside

This is how you must survive

You learn to sit and to conceal

The pain they cause and make you feel


It’s just because I said so

Don’t be so smart and crass

A word is swung a deathly blow

They cut like broken glass


Invalid I still often feel

What happened to me, was it real

A scar not one

Appears on me

They all exist inside my tree


My tree a beauty hides the truths

Beneath the ground it’s in her roots

A damage that cannot be seen

Her roots and all her suffering


A man came to her

Kind indeed

He knew more than what others see

The man then took the steps to seal

Her roots so she could start to heal


Day by day

What once was dormant

Came up from her roots to torment

Her tree so hollow pain it swallowed

Insurance that No good would follow


The man came to her everyday

He never left her side he stayed

Her pain so great would make her blind

She couldn’t see him all the time


It’s all your fault

She’d go and say

What have you done?

My roots decay

You tried to help but made it worse

Just cut me down and end my curse


In love he cared for her some more

Regardless what was said before

He loved her and adored her soul

Though it was damaged black with coal


Day by day the pain became

A lesser anguish to contain

Even though her roots react

As though she’s fallen one step back


As she healed she grew and grew

A Beauty she became he knew

That one day she’d be there to help

Another damaged as herself


She asked him on a day

Why did you come my way?

A tree with roots beyond repair

A tree like me, my young despair


He smiled and answered patient, kind

You are here by my design

I planted you here from a seed

I made you, yes you come from me


But why would you create design

That made my roots a painful vine

The world it broke me with despair

Where were you, why weren’t you there?


I was there

You couldn’t see

I bare the scars my hands and feet


They nailed me there upon a cross

I took what payment it would cost

To save you from that bitter end

I love you now I’m here again


The fate they made

It’s their desire

To throw you in a burning fire

They planned to keep you there in turn

Forever they had planned to burn


A punishment for great and small

A gift I have to give to all

Salvation from that awful place

My gift is free

It’s love and grace


I love you more than you can know

One day you’ll see how deep it goes

I must be going to my throne

Just know that you are not alone


I pray for you to be a light

In darkness we give others sight

At times may seem you are alone

In me you’ll always have a home


And just like that he left my sight

But in my heart I know his light

Is shining bright inside of me

What once was just a damaged tree


The God above is whom I seek

The one so pure, so kind, and meek

His presence I cannot describe

No human words would satisfy

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