Soul Decay

The pain I know is great, I think about my fate

I wish I didn’t feel this way, My soul is in it’s own decay


Disintegration started, With the child inside of me

neglect was there and charted, Although my scars aren’t seen


Neglect is parasitic, Latching onto youth

Some talk like a critic, It’s pain they never knew


I don’t understand, Your life is good and planned

Just focus on the good they say, for everything is well today


I’ve tried it all, Both big and small

To fight the dark I face, But now I’m weak

My trauma leaks, A poison in my space


I fought the negative, I’ve no more Left to give

Now I feel myself succumb, To my Neglect and damage done


They don’t see any sign, Of what’s inside my mind

The fight that’s going on inside, Won’t let me be although I’ve tried


The ones I loved the most, The ones that held me close

They held me with a painful vice, A clever and a cruel device


They saved me from a threat, But now I owe a debt

Collectors they turned out to be, I thought they really cared for me


The vice they tighten, Use to frighten

Me down to my bones, I hear a crack

It’s in my back, They silence all my groans


I sit and grieve, Please can I leave?

The pain it settles in, I try to smile

All the while, Shaming it begins


I’m much too young to know it’s fake, What they call love

A masquerade, Hero’s they would call themselves

A child believes the lies they tell


Where’s my evidence?, I’m pleading my defense

The charges tower over me, I feel so small just like a flea


Accusations repeat, like a record in my head

Yell at me to take a seat, You’re bad

That’s what they said


I turn and cry, I wonder why I’m treated here as such

Have I done something wrong, That makes them feel they need to clutch?


The more I ask for freedom, It’s like treason has been placed

How dare you think about the world, Don’t look or even taste


Demise is certain, If you leave

The vice of their embrace

They’ve done well to use a curtain

Hide the truth I chase


Dehumanize, They make you wise

Their image they create, Like playing God

They use the rod, Control you and your fate


your thoughts are not your own, your view is through their lens

But if your cover’s blown, They program you again


I’ve never felt so helpless, As I did back in those days

A child so defenseless, No I can’t even convey


This went on, For much too long

A Chronic mental beating, My brain is wired

I’ve grow tired, I just can’t stop the bleeding


The love I never felt, They’d claim the problem’s me

Ignore the beating of the belt, It’s all your fault you see


We gave you what you needed, The problems you they say

They minimize to agonize, and further my decay


The wounds inflicted to my soul, Are rotting like a carcass

Places I’m afraid to go, I’m still scared of the darkness


To face the canyons in my soul, So deep and dark they are

I’m slowly losing my control, To hide my mental scars


I cry out to the Lord for help, I’m crying in despair

Lord please save me from myself, Please just hear my prayer


My soul is crushed just like a rock, The heavy burden sits to mock

Me in my pain, I feel it drain

My heart and soul of all I’ve gained


I thought I had my footing, I started to feel good

But down I crash, It’s in a flash

I can’t find where I stood


I’m broken God, Are you still there

I cannot feel your peace, Is this your rod?

Oh could you spare, my heart, oh could you please


Or take me where you are, Please take me somewhere far

From what my family did to me, From every cut and where I bleed


This pain is more than I can bare, I’m hopeless here in my despair

With you is where I’d rather be, I long for you, you’re in my dreams


The sinful wage inside of me, I hate it Lord, please set me free

I want to follow you oh Lord, You paid the price I can’t afford


I know I’m there in your control, My life and where it leads

But God I suffer in my soul, My family and their deeds


I want to trust you where you are, The place where you are leading

But God, I’m broken, look my scars

I just can’t stop the bleeding


How long Lord must I feel this way, I’m helpless, and with tears I pray

To take this burden, Set me free, How long will this last for me?


Please find me lord, I long to stay, In Heaven in your light and way

For now I swim a darkened sea, I wait for my escape to Thee


The pain I know is great, I think about my fate

I wish I didn’t feel this way, My soul is in it’s own decay

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